Today, I got mad again.
It was one of those no-one-is-gonna-leave-the-room-alive kind of rage. I hate it when that happens. When I get so angry that I shake and speak in straight English (as one ex-boyfriend observed, magaling ako mag-English pag galit). When I lash out at everyone, use “fuckin” and/or “shit” after every word and then proceed to being painfully sarcastic.
When I start connecting what upset me to why our country is the way it is (kaya hindi umaasenso ang Pilipinas kasi…), I know it’s the point of no return, there is no calming me down. And that’s exactly what happened this afternoon. I just went on and on and on. And on.
I wish I’d stop getting angry that way.
But I also wish people would stop being so inconsiderate and inefficient. I really have very low tolerance for this Pinoy way of shrugging off everything and solving it all with a “pasensya na“. Lahat dapat okay lang? Sorry, hindi ko kaya. There are honest mistakes and then there is plain insensitivity and disregard for others. Let’s not even talk about stupidity. Wala talagang solusyon doon. Pero yung sadyang walang pakialam, hindi ko ma-take.
On some days I can turn a blind eye but there are occasions (especially when I’m hungry!) when I can’t help but go ballistic.
I don’t like it at all. I don’t enjoy it. It doesn’t make me feel superior or powerful or above everyone else. It just happens.
Then I get an awful headache after.
Plus I have to spend the rest of the evening logged on to Youtube checking for videos of myself.
In a country where complaining and calling out mistakes is unacceptable, outbursts are deemed as entertainment. I figured I could be the next Amalayer (I’m on her side, by the way)!
That was the first thing that crossed my mind when I stormed out of the restaurant. Worried, I grabbed a mirror and checked how I look. I relaxed after seeing that my hair actually looked pretty good. Hah, tsamba! I’ve got a zit between my eyebrows but I am counting on the bad lighting to hide it.
Sigh. I wish I could just be funny all the time.
