It’s been a minute since I’ve had to get over a guy. But I haven’t forgotten how excruciatingly tough it can be. Oh, the tears I’ve shed! I’ve also had friends who got completely wrecked by the end of a relationship and took forever to recover.
According to Breakup Coach Sarah Curnoles, you’ve moved on “the moment when you are no longer emotionally controlled by them or the relationship. It’s not that you never have an emotion about it ever again. It’s that you don’t let it take you out. You are able to handle it when it comes up.” Through her coaching, clients gain tools and resources to navigate their emotions.
Why It’s So Hard to Move On After a Breakup
Sarah says the most challenging part of her job is “painting the picture of hope so that they believe it, because sometimes at the beginning, you’re still pining, you’re still stuck.”
The getting over is dragged out when you keep letting everything revolve around the other person. “What do I need right now? How do I care for myself? What makes the most sense for me in my process?” she rattles off some of the questions you need to be asking. “They have to be willing to put themselves at the center, that’s really what it is,” she emphasizes.
And for her to be able to help you effectively and turn your breakup into the best thing that ever happened to you, you have to welcome discomfort. “Feeling your feelings is really uncomfortable and you have to be willing to say I’m willing to let go. I’m willing to say that my past won’t be my future,” she states.
Sarah Curnoles is Your Breakup Bestie and can get you from Hot Mess to Bad Ass
The Key to Moving Forward
She can sense when the breakthrough is around the corner, and witnessing it unfold in her clients gives her much fulfillment. “It’s a point in transition, a moment that’s so small that they don’t see it… They still might be upset about the breakup, but there has been something that shifted and clicked into place where they now see hope, and they see, ‘Oh, this is happening for something bigger. I see where I’m going, and I’m excited to keep going down this path,’” she describes.
And what usually opens the door toward this direction is a personal project. “They find the thing that’s bigger than them, that’s bigger than the pain that they get to dedicate themselves to. It’s not about distraction, it’s about finding purpose. So the thing has to give you a bigger purpose, a bigger drive, a bigger vision of what’s possible for your life,” she explains. It doesn’t have to be anything complex or ambitious, it can be simple. The key is for it to have a service component. “Where you’re giving back to the community, you’re giving to somebody else. I don’t like using the word hack, but it is, it’s kind of like a hack,” she adds.
Journey to Becoming a Breakup Coach
Sarah has seen it work not only with her clients, but in her own life as well. Believe it or not, it was the end of her own relationships that ultimately led her to the business she has today.
It started with a boyfriend who cheated on her, launching her on a journey of healing and self-discovery that paved the way for her to get certified as a life coach under Martha Beck’s Wayfinder Certification Program. She then trained with licensed psychotherapist, women’s empowerment expert, and bestselling author, Terri Cole.
Just as she was starting to feel settled, another blow came. The boyfriend she thought she would spend forever with one day told her he no longer wanted to build a life together.
To say she was crushed is an understatement. She explored all sorts of ways to work through her pain. But nothing she came across seemed to make a real difference. Since she was a certified life coach, she decided to coach herself through the breakup, draw on all her resources, and find her own way forward. At some point she thought, “if I figure out how to get through this for myself, I can teach other people a better way.”
Breakup coach Sarah Curnoles helps people move on after a relationship ends.
How a Breakup Coach Can Help You Move On
Today, Sarah supports people of all genders, between the ages of 30 and 70, as they go through their breakups. She helps them process their feelings and manage their minds so they’re not ruminating about their ex all the time. “I can give you a process and tools to go through it faster than you would on your own, and so that you can reach for something that’s healthier than drinking through it or numbing the pain,” she offers. Another reason not to DIY one’s healing is that it also really helps to have somebody on your side who doesn’t know your ex. “If you’re talking to your friends about your ex, then they have opinions. And they can’t hold a nonjudgmental space for your process. Your friends really hate seeing you in pain and they don’t know how to navigate that. Whereas I’m going to say that pain has a purpose, let’s let it come up so it can get out, and I’m going to hold you through that so you’re not doing it alone,” she assures.
How Breakup Healing Leads to Personal Growth
While Sarah has found her niche in breakup coaching, she believes the transformation that takes place during her sessions reaches far beyond the initial reason people seek her out. “I teach people how to deal with heavy emotions like grief, heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment, and jealousy. I believe if you know how to work through those, if you know how to work through the fear of uncertainty, you can actually do anything you want,” she closes.
To know more about Sarah’s coaching services and her “Hot Mess to Bad Ass” process, you can visit her website. Be sure to look up her recently launched “Forget Your Ex in 10 Days” program.
You may also follow her on Instagram. She is based in Baltimore, Maryland but travels around a lot so all her coaching is done online.
She leads a community that gets together weekly on MeetUp and she has a podcast called “Breakup Pep Talks” that you can access on Spotify and YouTube.
All images courtesy of Sarah Curnoles
